I don’t know what to say to you. I had it all planned out. Exactly what I would say followed by your comment and my rebuttal; just like a perfect script from a movie scene. But life isn’t like the movies, no matter how much we want it to be. Life is messy, unrehearsed. We are bloody and torn humans caught up in the raging storm playing a game of pretend, seeing who can care less. It’s what we were taught; be the first to flee, first to leave, first to say we don’t care despite what our hearts want to say. We are really just lonely adults who never learned how to stop playing make believe but instead of dressing up as Cinderella and firefighters; we dress up as the ghosts of our pasts, hurts that we’ve let shield us from all the magical things that could lie ahead if we just let go. Let go. Let go. And no, not as in some children’s song. That’s what I want to tell you. Let go.
Let go of who you used to be. Let go of what has hurt you before. Let go of your comparisons and expectations for if you put me on a pedestal, darling, I shall surely fall. Don’t hold me on higher ground, a goal for you to reach. Stand with me in the valley. Together. We will let it go.
And no darling I won’t lie to you, letting go ain’t no easy feat. Let’s get real. It’s easier to hide your true ambitions for your life and what your heart really feels; but let’s not hide anymore, okay. I’ll wait; for you to let go cause when that day comes as I hope it will, I want to be the one there to stop the waves crashing. I have always been a life jacket to everyone else around me, the one to keep everything afloat and if you’ll let me, I’d love to be the one to keep you afloat.
I’ve always loved to plan conversations in my head; rehearse them over and over and over, make them perfect. I’ve since learned that there is no such thing as perfect, there is only real and I think real is more beautiful than perfect. Yeah the faded mascara from staying up too late fighting sleep to the messy hair from a wild night to the crinkles you get in the corner of your eyes when you smile to the not-so-secret glances I catch my way are so much more beautiful than the flawless makeup and outfits that look like they just walked off a Pinterest board.
I don’t plan conversations anymore; I just let them happen. The only words a person can ever regret are the ones unsaid; the unsaid words are the ones used to hide trueness and I’m not one for hiding anymore, darling. Let go and be vulnerable. Let go and be messy. Just let go. Let go. Let go.